Sometimes it takes time to change.

Autobiography in Five Chapters

1. I walk down the street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I fall in

I am lost…I am hopeless

It isn’t my fault

It takes forever to find a way out.

 

2. I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I pretend I don’t see it

I fall in again

I can’t believe I am in the same place

But it isn’t my fault

It still takes a long time to get out.

 

3. I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I see it is there

I still fall in…it’s a habit

My eyes are open

I know where I am

It is MY fault

I get out immediately

 

4.I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I walk around it.

 

5. I walk down another street.

Blending Families

There are many aspects of Stepfamily relationships that could be discussed in a Blog. However one aspect I would like to discuss today that you will know makes sense deep down is the issue of preserving the couple relationship. However I can already hear objections coming from biological parents in particular. Biological parents (especially those) who have lived as a single parent bringing up their child or children for a long time will often find it difficult to put their children secondary to their new relationship, and their children will do all they can to keep the “same” alliance and loyalty going with the biological parent, this dynamic often creates outsiders and insiders, which then in turns creates hurts, shames, angers guilts and fears. However, it is the couple relationship that needs to be attended to, because these “two” have chosen to place each other in each other’s care and even though, this is hard work, they have committed to a primary relationship. One cannot have two primaries. Children need to come second.

This requires the couple do the hard work in getting to know each other deeply even when it hurts. This means backing each other up in ways that are loving caring and supportive to the children in public, even if “stuff” needs to be sorted out between them behind closed doors afterwards.